


Jeeves and the Maiden Voyage

by Johnlockedness



Category: Jeeves & Wooster, Titanic RPF
Genre: AU, Crossover, Jooster, M/M, RMS Titanic, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-04-16
Updated: 2012-04-16
Packaged: 2017-11-03 19:11:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/384877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Johnlockedness/pseuds/Johnlockedness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bertie and Reginald spent much of their travels on Ocean Liners, what if one of those Ocean Liners was the <i>RMS Titanic</i>?</p><p>Chapter 1. Prologue</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jeeves and the Maiden Voyage

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know this all happened in 1912. Our lads must have been about 12/17 at the time, but let’s just assume that Bertie is 26 and Reginald is 31 that year. I once read some people on indeedsir anticipating the idea of a Jeeves and Bertie crossover with _Titanic_ , and this plot has been in my head ever since. 
> 
> Beta-ed by the awesome mistress of doom Mice
> 
>  
> 
> _“I cannot imagine any condition which would cause a ship to founder. I cannot conceive of any vital disaster happening to this vessel. Modern shipbuilding has gone beyond that.”_
> 
>  
> 
> **Captain Edward Smith, referring to Adriatic.**

The moment these rumours started I knew it was going to shake the Wooster household. I mean throw a stone in a pond and the rippling of water doesn’t seem to stop. Not that Jeeves would throw stones at me. Nor is there any pond involved. What I’m getting at were the rumours about some big boat that would set sail to New York in early spring, and I had no intention whatsoever of celebrating my 27th birthday in New York.

Not that I don’t like to visit New York, dear me! I own a spiffing apartment at Stuyvesant Towers thank you very much. Nor was the lack of friends to celebrate with the problem. There was Rocky Todd the poet chappie of course, and Bicky Bickersteth whom I knew resided in New York, not to forget Corky, George and Cyril. Though I can’t recall whether Cyril was in New York at that particular moment. I hadn’t heard of a new theatre production, but then again Cyril is known for being all over the place. After aunt Agatha hauled us back by the ears to Old Blighty, Jeeves informed me of Cyril fleeing once more to America. 

Anyway there were many chumps I could rely one when it came to the celebration of one’s birthday. 

It was the silent hinting with bally literature which drove me completely insane. A day wouldn’t pass but Jeeves would shove it down the young Master’s throat at breakfast, luncheon or dinner. Trying to convince me to take the plunge so to speak. I’m too proud to admit it to Jeeves, but if he would only stop that constant nuisance, I might even come close to considering the matter, but he didn’t, so I didn’t. 

On top of that everything had been right as rain around the Wooster abode. There were no Madeline Bassets looking for baby bunnies to stuff. No Pauline Stokers or old Pop Stokers to skin my hide, and thank goodness no Florence Crayes prowling the shores. All was well and Bertram was a content man. 

Unfortunately, instead of beazels I had a Jeeves to deal with, and I was having none of it.

“She was constructed in Belfast sir, by the shipbuilding company Harland and Wolff.  
She can achieve a top speed of 23 knots, due to the 29 boilers fired by 159 coal burning furnaces. The ship can carry 3,547 passengers and crew, sir. The builders of the Titanic have included steel doors that are supposed to be capable of being shut in 25 seconds or less, thereby enclosing any water that might seep in to threaten the safety of the ship and her occupants in case of a--” Jeeves declared on the third day of tormenting the Wooster bean.

I held up a hand. “Jeeves, are you finished by any chance?” I said, holding several of Jeeves’s brochures regarding this Ocean Liner. He had made quite sure I didn’t have to read them anymore, summing them up as he did. It annoyed me to no end. 

“A most impressive vessel, sir.” He coughed and turned his eyes resolutely on the ceiling. This didn’t help my annoyed mood at all. This Jeevesian gesture only meant that he was determined to get his own way. 

“Jeeves? Enough of Ocean Liners and whatnot,” I said, casually waving his words away with my hand. “This nuisance must cease, forthwith.” 

“Very good, sir.”

“I mean to say, I’m waking up to this fine day, cup of tea in my hand and in come you, rattling on about travel and boats. What has gotten into you my dear man?” I said, and sipped at my perfect cup of tea.

Jeeves eyes snapped up to mine and he eyed me intently. His back stiffened and he looked slightly edgy. The mask told me enough; he was keeping his place, as should be expected of one’s valet. 

But not of one’s lover.

I should have aforementioned that Jeeves and I, ah, how to put this delicately? Jeeves and I had entered a gentlemen’s agreement some months prior. To keep up appearances and avoid the risk of discovery, we would stick to the master and servant role whenever necessary for fear of being found out. This also meant aboard said Ocean Liner, and that was one of the reasons I didn’t feel like going aboard a Liner in the first place. Moreover, we would have to sleep apart, for what? A whole bloody week or more? I couldn’t fathom why he wanted to go to New York so suddenly out of the blue.

“I merely wish to witness her maiden voyage, sir,” he said, without looking at me, but instead fixing his gaze to the window. Looking at Lord knows what. I couldn’t see from there, the light was still slightly too bright to my eyes.

“Ah.” Now that put a whole new light on the thing. “Well then, why didn’t you say so?” I exclaimed.

“It is not my place sir.”

“Dash it, Reginald! Your place is right here,” I told him, and patted the empty pillow on the bed beside me. I am not ashamed to admit his soft statement had rather hurt me.

Jeeves had some trouble releasing the sirs and Mr. Woosters when our relationship had just been established, and he tended to slip back into his old customs whenever we had even the slightest of disagreements over such matters as socks, ties, and travel. I usually ignored his sirring, which suited him to a tee, but my dark mood did not help. 

I could see a startled ebony eyebrow raising just an eighth of an inch, as usually happens when I call him by his given name in this manner.

“Dash it, why if matters tended that way, I would almost consider taking that bally Liner to New York”

I knew his mind was made up and probably nothing would set it from its objective. I hoped the Wooster word was enough. I knew he would continue to try to persuade me to journey to New York City on this bally _Titanic_ of his. 

“You would consider travelling to New York on such short notice?”

“I said almost, Reg.”

“Yes sir, the adverb did not escape me.”

I pondered this. What was so special about this _Titanic_ that Jeeves wanted to travel with her to New York? I admit that the Wooster curiosity was stirred somewhat. But I was not going to surrender that easily; we Woosters have our codes don’t you know.

“I’ll consider the matter, Jeeves,” I said, giving him what I hoped was a positive smile.

“That would be extremely generous sir.”

“Pish tosh and rot.” I waved this away. “Breakfast ,if you are ready now, Jeeves. Will you join me?”

“Of course, Bertram.”

And all was well. For the coming hour anyway.

~~

The telephone rang once Jeeves had yours truly settled into the bath, and he excused himself from the premises. I relaxed into the hot water, Ocean Liners drifting from my mind. My skin prickled delightfully as I closed my eyes and lounged in the hot bath water. It was some few minutes later when I started to wonder what Jeeves was up to that I heard a soft sheep-like cough from somewhere near my left that startled me badly, sloshing a good amount of water over the edge of the bathtub, my rubber ducky included. My startled reaction did, not Jeeves’s cough, you see.

“Hullo! Reggie, you could warn a man you know.” I gasped for air as Jeeves retrieved my rubber duck from the floor and placed it upon the sink. 

“Pardon me, sir. That was Mr. Fink-Nottle telephoning just now. He asks you to give him luncheon at the flat.” Then he came near me, rolled up his sleeves and prepared himself to wash my hair and back, something very pleasurable to look forward to during my daily baths.

“Oh he did, did he? I wonder what’s brooding in the poop's mind. I hope it doesn’t involve some sort of ridiculous rift over a minor incident between Gussie and Madeline. Did he happen to confide in you Reg?” 

Not only did Jeeves wash my hair, he massaged my scalp and took away any tension with those nimble fingers of his. I sighed happily.

“Not in detail, sir. Mr. Fink-Nottle appeared to be very eager to speak to you personally. I told Mr. Fink-Nottle he is to be expected at noon, sir.”

“Hmm. I wonder what he’s on about. I mean, why telephone? Gussie’s more the telegram sort, I would have thought.” I looked at Jeeves questioningly.

“Who could say, sir?” 

“Who indeed?” I smirked and rose to an upright position, and met Jeeves with a kiss. 

Jeeves's hand lingered on my arms briefly before they slid their way back up my neck and picked up the work they were doing before the interrupting kiss. 

“Very well. We shall see what the fathead wants.” And, closing my eyes, I let Jeeves work his magic on me.

~~

If you’ve ever met Gussie, and I don’t know if you have, you will have noticed that he’s a shy sort of person. He wears horn-rimmed spectacles, face like fish, and an absolute fathead. Jeeves prefers sensitive plant, but a fathead he remains. An intelligent fathead that is. He is besotted with newts, there’s always a slimy amphibian lurking about whenever Gussie is in the facilities.

So that’s your Augustus Fink-Nottle in a nutshell.

And that was why I was so surprised when I found him wide-eyed and looking excited as a young schoolboy on my doorstep at noon.

“Mr. Fink-Nottle, sir,” Jeeves declared, and he barely had time to take his hat and coat as Gussie stormed off toward me.

“Bertie! Oh, thank you Jeeves.”

“Not at all, sir. If you will excuse me, sir.” And with a polite nod, he glided into the kitchen.

“What ho, Gussie, old chap. Jeeves told me you had some business to attend to?”

“Oh, Bertie!” Gussie said, “you’ve got to do something for me! You must! It is important!”

I stoop gaping. “Calm down Gussie! Sit down and tell this Wooster all.”

“Oh yes, yes of course.” We sat down and I produced a gasper from my cigarette case. A pretty silver thing, I had inherited it from my father and treasured it highly.

“Do you know New York University?”

“Eh?”

“It’s a research University in New York.”

“Ah. I thank you for adding this to my list of knowledge.”

“Listen, Bertie! There is a department of Biology situated in the neighbourhood of Greenwich Village in Manhattan, see here.” He produced a piece of paper with the name and address of the University in Greenwich Village. 

Jeeves shimmered in with a tea tray but he was gone in the blink of an eye. 

“And you want me to do what, old pal?” 

“Oh Bertie don’t you see? Newts!”

“I don’t see any newts.” I said, staring at the paper and flipping it over -- nothing.

“No, you old ass. They have published ground breaking articles about newt reproductive behaviour and breeding methods.”

“Ah, I see.” 

“Exactly!”

“And you are an interested party?”

“Of course.”

“And where does that leave me?” I placed my finished gasper in the ashtray and sipped at my tea.

“Oh, Bertie, use your head! You’ve got to get those articles for me!”

“Me?” My teacup rattled in its saucer.

“Of course, you. Do you picture me in New York? Are you mad?”

“I certainly am not!” I exclaimed. “I have to travel to New York on an errand to fetch you a few sheets of paper?”

“They are not mere sheets of paper, Bertie. This is a matter of life and death. I’ve invested my whole life’s work in newts, it is my life.”

“I thought Madeline was.”

“Don’t bother me with Madeline.”

“Quite.”

“Madeline is not important in this matter Bertie.”

“Of course.”

“You have to do this for me, Bertie.” I’ve never seen Gussie so desperate. “I need those articles for further knowledge on newts for future experiments.” He set his cup down and took out his handkerchief to mop away a bead of sweat that had started to roll down his face.

The Wooster code, the old burden, is one not to be broken. I heaved a sigh. A chap in need, is a friend indeed; or something like that.

“Very well. When do you need them? This summer might be a convenient time to travel to America.”

“Within the month.”

“Within the month?”

“Haven’t you read the news? There’s a ship ready in South Hampton, it will leave within two weeks.”

Inwardly I growled. “Do you mind if I think it over this afternoon?”

“So you will do it!” He beamed.

Jeeves shimmered back in, and I’m dashed if he didn’t positively glow with satisfaction.

“Luncheon is ready, sirs.”

“Well?” Gussie urged as we stood and followed Jeeves into the dining room. “Will you do it?”

“Can’t you get it transferred to England by post?” I enquired as we sat down. 

“You don’t think I trust the mail with that treasure? Besides it would take months. I need a trustworthy friend, and here he is.”

The code, what? “I will let you know this evening by telegram.” I couldn’t believe my own ears, but there it was.

“Splendid! You’re a good egg Bertie. Besides, you will set sail with _Titanic_. She’s a grand ship, at least that’s what I’ve heard. It’s not as if it’s a punishment or a lack of luxury.”

“What have you heard about the _Titanic_?”

“Oh, not much” Gussie told me between mouthfuls. “Just rumours really, she’s the largest moveable object ever constructed by men, and unsinkable.”

“Unsinkable?” 

“Good Lord, yes. Bertie, don’t you read the papers.”

I lowered my fork and didn’t answer that. I had recently skipped every item mentioning any Ocean Liners, so I merely shrugged.

~~

After luncheon Jeeves showed Gussie to the door and I heard them discuss recent matters. When Gussie was shoved off, his eyes made contact with mine as he glided into the kitchen to clean the remains of luncheon. I lighted a gasper and deeply inhaled. I pondered the matter over in the Wooster bean, and came to a conclusion. I got up from my comfortable position on the sofa and followed Jeeves into the kitchen. Curiosity was taking me over, dash it.

I found him washing up the dishes from luncheon.

“What ho, Jeeves,” I said and kissed the exposed left side of his neck, just below his ear. “Reg, I’m in a bit of a fix.”

Jeeves halted his duties and turned his head to peck me softly on the lips. “Indeed, sir?”

I took a drag from my Turkish delight and turned to sit at the kitchen table. “Oh, don’t pretend you know nothing of it. I heard you and Gussie talk. I know you’re not the type to listen at key holes, but I know you have a keen sense of hearing.” I sat down at the kitchen table, my feet placed upon the tabletop.

Jeeves eyed me disapprovingly but held his tongue. He turned back to the washing up, working while conversing with me. I didn’t mind.

“Begging your pardon, sir, but I did hear you talking to Mr. Fink-Nottle, and I know of your errand.”

“There is no errand, yet. I told Gussie I would think matters over. Talk them over that is, with you.”

“Yes, sir. So Mr. Fink-Nottle informed me.”

“I don’t suppose you have any objections.”

He coughed. “While of course a longer stay would have been more preferable, I have no objections of any kind to travel to New York on such short notice. Sir,” he added, as an afterthought.

“Leave the sirring, Reg. If you please.”

“Very good, Bertram.” He took a tea tower and began to dry the dishes, waiting for him in the drying rack. 

I noted the brochures on this so-called _Titanic_. The headline caught my eye for the first time. _‘The unsinkable vessel’_ it read. 

A silence fell between us as I glanced over the reading material, which Jeeves probably left there on purpose. Meanwhile Jeeves finished clearing away the dishes.

“A brandy and soda perhaps, Bertie?”

“No, thank you,” I said looking up at him and resumed my light reading. “I say, that _Titanic_ boat Reg?” I asked, flipping through the brochure. 

He took the chair opposite me, a plate with his luncheon in his hands. “I believe it is referred to as a ship, sir.” 

“Jeeves.” I glared at him, somewhat annoyed.

“I apologise, Bertie.” He sipped at his glass of milk. 

I continued reading for a short time, allowing Jeeves to eat his luncheon without constant interruption, before I spoke again. “They say it’s practically unsinkable!”

“I could not say, sir,” he said and munched on a piece of freshly baked meat pie.

“What do you mean?”

“May I speak freely?”

“Of course, speak away Reggie, speak away.”

“She is made of iron.” I cocked my head. That piece of information wasn’t new to me. “Any ship has the potential to founder or sink. But she shall be sailed by a man with over forty years of experience, a Mr. Edward J. Smith. An excellent Captain, if I may say so. It is very unlikely she will be damaged even slightly as long as she’s under his care.”

“I see. Not unsinkable you say?”

“I regret to say so.”

“When does she leave port? You’ve heard Gussie, he needs his documents within the month. I suppose we could stretch the journey somewhat. The poop won’t come and haul us back, at any rate.”

“No, he would probably not. Did Mr. Fink-Nottle inform you when _RMS Titanic_ would leave port?”

I thought for a tic and the goods came back to me. “Yes, he did! I think he said it would be ready for departure within two weeks. What's the date now? The 29th of March?”

“The 30th, sir.” He took a last bite of his pie and cleared his throat. “To answer your question, _RMS Titanic_ will leave Southampton on Wednesday, April 10th, at noon. She will make another stop at Cherbourg and at Queenstown. She is due to reach port in New York after a seven day journey.”

I calculated things over in my head. “So she will arrive on the 17th? Oh, Reg, it’s my birthday the 16th! I don’t want to celebrate my birthday aboard a bally ship!” 

“Yes, sir, the particular date had crossed my mind. I am sure we could arrange a private celebration.”

“Jeeves you know my position on amorous activities in hostile environments, and my birthday won’t change that.” 

“I share your concern, sir. However I think I can arrange things to your liking.”

“If you say so, Reg. I say, you’ve made me rather curious now,” I said, suddenly feeling rather coy.

“Indeed, sir.” He smirked. ”So you agree to journey on short notice for Mr. Fink-Nottle his errand?”

I shrugged “Seeing as I do two chums a mighty favour, hardly any chance for a chap to say no, what?”

“I could not say, sir.”

“But Jeeves!” A thought rushed through me, it being the ships first journey and all. “How do we get the tickets this late? I’m rather sure there is a high demand for them.” Jeeves hesitated. Jeeves never hesitates. “You’ve already got the tickets. Haven’t you?”

"I apologise, sir, but tickets are indeed in high demand. And I was-"

“You assured yourself you would be able to drag the young master along.”

“Well, sir.”

“You planned this all end to end didn’t you? It must have taken quite an effort to persuade the University of Greenwich Village to publish an article on newts.”

A bellow of laughter escaped the Jeevesian mouth. “I assure you Bertie, it is mere co-incidence.” He smiled. “I had no influence whatsoever on the publishing of any articles from the University of New York, sir.”

“Count yourself a lucky blighter, Reg.”

“I do, Bertram.” Something happened in the Jeevesian dial. He looked serious, but without the mask, and his eyes were a very darkish blue. “I have got you.”

“You soppy thing. Honestly, Jeeves,” I said, feeling rather touched. “Fate has its tricky ways, Jeeves.”

“Of throwing something in front of you that you never really expected?”

“Exactly, Reg.” My feet had begun to fall asleep and they stung a little as I placed them on the floor. Jeeves looked somewhat pleased. I stood and placed both my hands flat on the tabletop, leaning forward to kiss my man.

“Fine,” I sighed. “I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Provided, of course, that you furnish me a with a 27th birthday never to be forgotten.”


End file.
